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Once-upon-a-time, there was a farmer named Fred, who owned a pig. The pig's name was Edwina, and she weighed about twelve hundred pounds. Fred was very proud of her. Everywhere he went, he brought Edwina along. People passing him along the sidewalk would say good morning and comment on how beautiful...
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned abo...
This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body w...
No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are roughly 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not rule out flying reindeer - though Santa and my uncle Ralph, in his drinking days, are the only people who've ever seen one. T...
3 people were on a plane. One said to the pilot, "I have a glass bottle. What do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the window. The second one asked the same question and the pilot also told him to throw it out the window. The third one asked the pilot, "I have a bomb. ...
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and ev...
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to he...
I manage a simple web site for my employer (a small charity), and owing to the purchase of a domain name I emailed the details of the new URL to several website owners who were known to have maintained links to us at our old address. A couple weeks later I received this message: "Dear John"...
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle, d...
My wife got a check from a survey company for filling out a couple of surveys about consumer products, etc. Anyway, the checks are made out to "bearer" because they don't want to give cash. Well, when my wife goes to the bank to cash the check, her conversation with the teller goes somethi...
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